Here I sit. And sit. And sit. Actually, I am trying to get some work done in a hospital waiting room while I wait on a 5 hour surgery to be completed. I had to start my day early, 4:30 a.m. (yawn!) but even so I could have used more coffee. Speaking of the waiting room, it is FREEZING in here!!! The middle of July and I am wishing I had worn a hoodie. I double-checked the door to make sure I stepped into Critical Care Unit and not the morgue where I would expect to be seeing my breath if not the breath of those checked-in there.
Hospitals are always a tiring experience. They wear you out by their very nature. You can visit someone for 30 minutes and feel like you need a nap. I’m off in a corner by myself. I brought my laptop (and a good book) and used the plug-in excuse to separate from the herd. There is a bit of a circus atmosphere surrounding the whole event and I can’t really relate. A dozen people showing up to show support turns into a gab session and I keep asking myself what is the point? They aren’t here for me, and that is fine, but it is almost like watching a foreign cultural ritual rather than a happening of concern. I know people mean well but there is something about denial to it as though our mortality shouldn’t be admitted.
The conversations are interesting. One woman telling another she shouldn’t bother finding a job even though her husband is going through a rough patch. Comparisons of times when they were a patient here and who suffered what injury when. Being it is a religious culture here, there is a lot of prayer being bantered about. People mentioning prayer and others doing it. Do we actually do that for God or ourselves? I’m not knocking religion – any religion. In fact the person in surgery has had Christians, Jews, Muslims, tell him they would be praying for him but I always figure God – any god – knows what is going on without the spectacle. That is one of the advantages of being God, right? There are people endlessly playing with their phones because you know the latest has to be on Facebook even though the guy in surgery never posts to social media and despises it.The illusion that somehow we are all connected in our sentiments and emotions, as though we really understand each other, when the truth is we don’t. The universe may be all connected but more in the way the left and right hands never know what the other is doing.
I actually ended up talking/comforting one guy who was very shaken by the possibilities that something might go wrong in surgery. He thinks a lot of the person and had taken a day off work from a good job just to be here. I didn’t mind talking to him for an hour or so to lift his spirits (he’s a good guy) but truth is whatever is going to happen will do so at this point without input from us. The outcome is between the person on the op table, the doctors and the powers that be. The rest of us are sitting in the V.I.P. section of the show.
I hope to get some work done. I have like 3 more hours of surgery left and then probably a couple of hours of recovery before I can be admitted into Intensive Care to say hello. First though, I think I am going to have to step outside to get some sun and warm up. God, it is FREEZING in here!!!