I took a break outside and was reminded of why America as a country should be rated ‘R’ for violent content. It was early evening but like a summer day weather-wise so I stepped outside to have a glass of tea. There is a little place by the entry way I like to sit, catch some rays on a break, and this time of day the building is almost empty anyway.
Across the street is a convenience store (like the one above). I no sooner sat on my stoop when I heard a lady across the street yelling. She had one of those LOUD redneck voices and she was in a newer SUV that said ‘Jesus’ in stencil down the back tinted window. She was yelling at a young man in a little beat up red compact vehicle that resembled the leftovers of a Yugo glued together. He was a pizza delivery guy and I suspect to make it on time he often had to do the Flintstone thing and use his feet to pedal. The pizza sign was on top and he was trying to air up one of the balding tires before his next stop.
Apparently, some sort of road rage was underway. The lady was accusing the pizza guy of nearly causing an accident – but from my p.o.v. who knew if it was true. I watched as the lady jumped out of the passenger seat, ranted and screamed- I could hear her clearly way over where I was – as she shook her fist and threatened to call the guy’s employer and cost him his job. The driver in the SUV would say something threatening every now and then and as it turned out there was a daughter in the back seat.
The pizza guy tried to counter with his version of what happened. While I couldn’t hear him really, for he didn’t carry the pig farmer’s wife’s vocal cords, I gathered from his gesturing he was trying to break off the conversation when he realized he couldn’t get a word in edge wise.
The pizza guy tried to go back to pumping air in the tire but then the lady told him she’d been driving longer than he’d been alive and he didn’t know shit. At that point, I gather the pizza guy told her where to get off at, for she marched back around the SUV and started to rapidly approach the guy – I thought she was going to attack him.
Now at this point, I am thinking ‘lady, if you were in the city right now, this guy would shoot you dead’. As it turned out, I wasn’t far off base. What the guy did next though was a first for me.
It turns out the pizza guy had a sword in the back of that rickety vehicle – that’s right a SWORD! He waved it and told the redneck, “I didn’t learn Kung Fu for nothing, lady!” and gave it a good wave for emphasis. Well, this forced the lady to start swearing as she backed up, and yelling even louder about calling the cops and how he was going to jail and anything else that crossed her pea brain. At this point though, the sword had done the trick and she was back safely behind the SUV. The pizza guy wisely decided enough was enough and jumped in to leave. His car wouldn’t start for a second but he finally did manage to get out of there. The lady was still screaming as he pulled out.
This comes on a day when some of the workers inside the building were talking about where they’d like to move to and one of them mentioned that she was worried about the violence in one of the cities under discussion. Another worker piped in and said, “It doesn’t matter where you go, every place is violent in this country. You can’t escape it.” Man, isn’t that the truth. And beware those pizza deliver guys, they’re sporting the latest in Crusader wear.